I Need You
by kawaii as heck
Summary: (Josuyasu) Josuke isn't over what happened during the fight with Kira, and Okuyasu has started to notice.


Josuke sat up in his bed and instantly felt a dull pain resonating throughout his body. His wounds weren't fully healed yet, and his wrappings felt a little tight.

It had been a little under a month since the fight with Kira. He had suffered some serious damage during the fight, and as much as the Speedwagon foundation and Tonio's food helped speed the healing process, nothing really compared to the job that Crazy Diamond would have been able to do. . .

'No reason to think about that now' Josuke sighed, looking out his window as a means to distract himself. Some movement down the street suddenly caught his eye. From what he could tell, it looked a lot like Okuyasu pacing around in the dark, seemingly deep in thought.

Josuke felt his heart jump a bit. He hadn't seen his friend in about a week. It was mostly his own fault though. Recently when Okuyasu would come by, Josuke would have his mom kindly send him away. Josuke wanted to see him, but somehow at the same time Okuyasu was the last person he wanted to see. Okuyasu's visits were starting to become almost too painful for him to bear. Josuke hated himself for feeling this way. He knew he was being selfish in trying to avoid talking about the events that transpired weeks ago, but he just couldn't bring himself to discuss anything that he was feeling with anyone. He felt like no one would understand what he went through, because no one else had to experience what he did. As much as he tried to forget about it, he could only think about the horrible things he faced. Every time he saw that wide grin across Okuyasu's face, he felt a twinge of heartache as memories of dragging his friend's limp and lifeless body to shelter during the fight flooded his mind. When they were alone he could only think of how it felt trying to drown out Hayato's pleas begging him to ditch Okuyasu and run. He could only think about how hopeless he felt when he refused to accept Okuyasu's "death". His mind raced on and on, endlessly repeating what he most wanted to forget. It honestly made him want to throw up.

Nothing turned out the way he had hoped it would. How could things go so wrong? He shouldn't have had to face Kira alone for so long. He shouldn't have been so careless going into the fight. He shouldn't have let Okuyasu suffer an injury like he had. What if he had waited even a few seconds later than he had to heal him? What if the bomb had hit Okuyasu's chest? Or his head? What if he really was gone like Hayato was so certain he was?

Josuke couldn't breathe. He clutched his chest, trying to calm his body. He could feel his heart thumping angrily, threatening to burst out from inside him. He laid back down, curling his body tight as if trying to prevent his heart from escaping. He could hear his blood pumping, the hurried beats echoing loudly in his ears. He lay still, trying his hardest to just melt into his bed and disappear from the world. . .

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Josuke sat up quickly, startled by the sudden knocking at his window. As his teary eyes focused he realized there was a figure outside. It looked an awful lot like Okuyasu . . .

Josuke's breath caught in his throat as he wondered how long his friend had been watching him. He tried to compose himself enough to get up and let Okuyasu in. He made his way to the window and, with a deep breath, undid the latch.

"Josuke! You okay?" Okuyasu blurted out before he was even halfway in through Josuke's window.

As he watched Okuyasu carefully climb into his room, Josuke found he couldn't make any words come out of his mouth. He simply nodded, hoping his forced smile could be at least a little convincing.

From the look on Okuyasu's face, he could tell it wasn't. The room stayed quiet for a while, neither knowing what to do from here. Josuke could hear his mom's footsteps down the hall. He wondered if she knew Okuyasu was here.

Breaking Josuke's train of thought Okuyasu suddenly cleared his throat.

"I . . . I'm sorry for barging in like this. I came over because I – uh – wanted to talk to you. Haven't been able to get past your front door recently. Thought your window would maybe work. You . . . you've been avoiding me." Okuyasu said softly, averting Josuke's gaze and looking to the floor.

"I haven't been avoiding you." Josuke meekly whispered.

Okuyasu's doubt was obvious on his face. He wasn't buying it.

"It's fine Josuke. I'm ok with you avoiding me. I just . . . I'm worried about you. You don't look so good."

Josuke looked down at himself. His sweat pants had an instant ramen stain on the leg and his shirt was way looser than any clothes he normally wore. He was advised not to let the wrappings rub against anything too much, so it's not like he really had a choice. He knew he didn't exactly look as put together as he normally did, but he'd been stuck on bed rest for the past few weeks. Given the circumstances, Josuke felt he could do worse. When he looked back at Okuyasu he realized what the other was most likely talking about. Josuke's hands moved self-consciously towards his hair.

'Shit.'

It was a mess. A tangled and greasy mess. He hadn't been able to take a real shower or bath in a few weeks. It took a lot of energy to even make it to the restroom to try and wash his hair separately. He wasn't supposed to really be bending over and he was advised to not raise his arms too much either. His mom hadn't tried helping him out since the first week after the incident. Josuke had snapped at her for not doing it the way he liked. He didn't mean to be so harsh, but he still didn't let her help him out anymore after that. He knew he was being a dick, but he hated relying on someone else and kinda just wanted to be left alone.

He really wanted to be alone right now.

"Gee thanks." Josuke managed to get out, with a playful smile to go along with it. He hoped Okuyasu couldn't tell he was trying desperately not to look as hurt as he felt.

"I . . . I didn't mean it like that Josuke." Okuyasu said sheepishly, making his way over to sit on Josuke's bed. "I just meant . . ." Okuyasu trailed off. His brow furrowed as if he had been thinking hard about what he should say next.

Josuke followed him to the bed, finding himself sitting a little further apart from Okuyasu than he had wished. He thought about moving closer but decided that that would make things more awkward than they already were. Time passed as the two sat in silence, both waiting for the other to start. Josuke felt like the space between them was growing, each second bringing them further and further apart. He dreaded each tick tock of the clock. He clenched his fist in his lap, trying to stop himself from overthinking right now.

Okuyasu was the one to break the silence.

"Ya know . . . I've been thinkin a lot lately. Even though thinkin a lot gives me headaches, I – I needed to figure somethin out that's been bothering me. Before you started . . . 'not' avoiding me, I noticed something. It was like ya wanted to tell me somethin, but it's like you were stoppin yourself. And then I hadn't been able to see ya for a while. . . I talked to Koichi about it and he seemed a little worried too. You haven't really been yourself man." Okuyasu said, with a small smile and a worried brow. When Josuke didn't reply Okuyasu continued.

"I mean, I'm not tryna force you to tell me anything right now. Like . . . it's totally fine it you don't wanna talk at all right now. I know I came over real suddenly, so I don't expect much but I – uh – I just wanted to let ya know that I'll listen to you whenever you want me to. I might not be too smart, but I'll try to understand whatever ya gotta say to me." Okuyasu said, his pace quickening as he finished, as if trying to say all the words he had rehearsed before he forgot them.

Josuke realized he wasn't breathing as he suddenly inhaled sharply. The room felt like it was spinning a bit.

'He . . . he's worried about . . . me? It's all my fault too. For avoiding him. For pushing him away. Oh man, I made everything worse. I – I need to tell him. Something, anything. . . '

"Okuyasu. . ." Josuke started, not really knowing where to take this from here, but before he knew it, his mouth began spewing out the words he had been keeping bottled up.

"I'm sorry for making you worry. And um, yeah, I was avoiding you. I'm sorry for that too. It's just been hard. I – I don't know what to do. It's so hard being around you man. You asked if I was okay earlier, right? Well, I'm – I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for a while." Josuke sighed.

He could feel Okuyasu's eyes focused on him.

"I don't know how to talk to you about this, but . . . I guess I'll try. Can't have you gettin headaches all cause of me." Josuke smiled softly, looking into his lap.

"Ha. Don't worry about that Josuke. I don't mind gettin thinkin headaches if it means I can help you out somehow. I – I just wanna help you man. You're my best friend." Okuyasu's voice was kind and sincere. "You don't have to say anything right now if you don't want to. I'm here for you though if you do." Okuyasu grinned widely.

Josuke could feel a lump in his throat. He quickly tore his eyes away from Okuyasu but images of Stray Cat's air bullet bomb leaving the gaping hole in his friend's side already began to fill Josuke's mind.

"N – no. I wanna talk about it now." Josuke said sternly. He could see Okuyasu nodding his head in encouragement.

"I'm just gonna say it I guess. I can't fucking stop picturing everything that happened when . . . when we fought . . . him. Y – you were gone you know? You fucking . . . died dude. I didn't want to believe it. I really didn't. No matter how much that Hayato kid yelled at me. I wasn't just gonna leave you there dude. I never lost faith that you were gonna wake up, but like . . . fuck man, it sure seemed like I didn't get to you in time to heal you up. There was so much blood and you were . . . missing . . . so much. You got hit really hard with that bomb. I can't stop thinking about how if I was just a few seconds later or, or if the bomb hit you in the chest or the head or, or . . ." Josuke trailed off, feeling his breathing get more labored.

"J – Josuke!" Okuyasu said, moving closer. Josuke could feel the warmth of his friend's hand resting on his back, his rough hands being extra careful, rubbing softly and gently to calm Josuke down.

"God I'm so pathetic." Josuke whispered as tears stung his eyes.

"You ain't pathetic man. Don't say that. You're one of the toughest guys I know. I'm sorry I didn't know how you've been feeling. I . . . I didn't really get a good look at the damage that damn cat did, but I can imagine it must have been pretty bad. And, and Hayato told me how much you tried to save me. Even when he told you to leave me, you never gave up. Thank you Josuke. I haven't really told you how much that means to me." Okuyasu let his arm wrap around Josuke's shoulders.

Josuke shut his eyes tight, an effort to try to keep his tears from falling.

"Ya know, Josuke . . . ah, I'm not tryna make this about me but I kinda know how you've been feelin. After my big bro Keicho died, it was hard. I was in that big ol' house basically alone. I kept thinkin about how he only died cause of how stupid I was. His last words to me would repeat in my mind constantly. It all made me feel horrible. It took me a while, but I decided to let all those feelings go. You can't keep that stuff inside you. Its no good to do that. . . There was nothing I could do about how things turned out, but the least I could do was just let myself be thankful to Keicho for saving me." Okuyasu said, his voice bittersweet.

"You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened Josuke. I know it's a little harsh but there's nothing you can do to change how things turned out. You shouldn't think about all the what ifs and stuff. They - they're not gonna happen. I'm here. You saved me. Yo – you saved me Josuke!" Okuyasu's voice broke as tears began falling down his face.

Josuke leaned into Okuyasu's sudden embrace. He could feel Okuyasu's tears falling onto his lap, but he didn't mind, just as he didn't resist when his own began to flow freely.

Okuyasu's voice was hoarse and his sobs filled the room.

Josuke gathered what was left of his composure. He felt like he needed to say something. Okuyasu was always so blunt and honest with his feelings. Josuke felt inspired and felt like he should be a little more like his friend.

"Thank you Okuyasu." Josuke whispered. "I don't feel so shitty anymore. It's gonna be hard but, you know, I like what you said. I need to stop thinking about the what ifs and what happened. I can't change anything. I can't. You – you're here. In one piece. All your pieces are working fine and you're not missing anything. You're alive. I – I saved you. I saved you."

"You saved me."

Josuke and Okuyasu grinned at each other, wiping the tears from their eyes. Josuke got closer, letting his forehead rest on Okuyasu's.

'I saved you.'

He noticed a small blush creep across Okuyasu's cheeks. Josuke suddenly realized just how intimate this all was.

"S – sorry." Josuke said quickly, trying to pull away. Josuke realized Okuyasu's large arms were moving to wrap around him.

"I – I don't mind." Okuyasu said, a soft and happy look on his face.

Josuke could feel his heart skip a beat as he was suddenly overcome with the need to kiss Okuyasu. At Okuyasu's insistence, Josuke tried to calm down as he brought his forehead back to its resting spot. They were so close Josuke wondered if Okuyasu could hear his erratic heartbeat.

He focused on trying to keep his breathing normal, not wanting to draw attention to himself. He wasn't sure if he should try to kiss Okuyasu right now. Things were good like this, but, Josuke wanted to feel closer to Okuyasu. He needed to let Okuyasu know how much he meant to him.

He couldn't stop himself from letting his eyes travel down to Okuyasu's lips. His eyes lingered as his friend's lips parted slightly, an action that seemed hesitantly inviting.

Josuke tentatively raised his hand, trying to decide if he should make a move or not. His hand acted before he realized as his fingers gently trailed along Okuyasu's strong jaw line. He could hear the short, surprised gasp of air coming from his friend and felt him get a bit closer.

'He . . . he's not pushing me away.' Josuke thought, slightly biting his bottom lip in anticipation.

Josuke felt himself move, bringing his eager lips closer to Okuyasu's.

The soft touch of Okuyasu's lips on his own sent small shivers down his spine. Their lips brushed against each other softly, interrupted only by small chaste kisses here and there.

Josuke never wanted it to end. His senses lost focus on everything else but Okuyasu's lips. They were so soft, so gentle, and inexperienced just like him. He could feel the uncertainty resonating from Okuyasu, but Josuke knew that there was something more. Okuyasu wanted this just as much as he did.

Okuyasu's smile widened on Josuke's kiss, and Josuke suddenly felt an explorative tongue quickly swipe at his bottom lip. Josuke grinned playfully.

'Okuyasu's really into this.'

He gave Okuyasu what he wanted, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Josuke shivered as he felt Okuyasu's tongue slide across his own.

'We're so close . . .'

Josuke felt an intense desire fill his core. He needed to be as close to Okuyasu as possible. Okuyasu's arms were suddenly wrapped around him, as if reading his mind to bring him closer. Josuke could feel himself lose the bit of composure he had. He kissed Okuyasu with fervent desire, trying to convey his feelings through his actions.

Josuke brought his hand to Okuyasu's right side, letting his fingers glide gently down what was one a huge, gaping hole. All Josuke could feel was Okuyasu's abs. A warmth was radiating from him.

'He's alive. He's here and in one piece an e.'

Josuke could feel his vision get blurry as tears began to sting his eyes again. It didn't take long for Okuyasu to notice as he suddenly felt his friend leaving a trail of kisses along his face, stopping to give two deliberate kisses on the outer corners of each of Josuke' eyes.

Josuke felt himself let out a small whimper at the act. He bit his lip in embarrassment but felt Okuyasu's reassuring hand pull him in closer. The large, rough hand wrapped around the base of Josuke's neck, his fingers twirling in the loose strands of hair.

It was beginning to be too much. Josuke could feel himself losing his breath, a reminder of his inexperience. He unwillingly had to pull away from Okuyasu's lips. The two sat in the silence, each breathless and blushing.

Josuke suddenly realized tears were steadily streaming down his face. He didn't know when he started crying. Embarrassed, he hurriedly brought his hands up to wipe them away.

"Josuke . . ." Okuyasu whispered, reaching out to grab his hands. Okuyasu pulled him closer, guiding Josuke to lay next to him. He felt Okuyasu's heavy arm wrap around his waist, pulling him in tight. The heat from his body was comforting. They were so close. Josuke could see his own reflection in Okuyasu's eyes. Josuke let his fingers trail along the contours of Okuyasu's face, his lips giving soft kisses along the way. Okuyasu's hands explored the small of Josuke's back, his fingers raising his shirt to touch his bare skin. Okuyasu buried his face in Josuke's neck, his breath hot and shallow. Josuke could feel Okuyasu's soft lips drag along his sensitive skin. It gave him goosebumps.

Time passed as the two lay in silence, letting their lips trail along each other's skin and kissing every so often. Josuke didn't know what time it was, but his body grew increasingly tired. His lids didn't want to stay open, and after a while he stopped fighting it. They held each other, not wanting to let go.

It crossed Josuke's mind that they should talk about . . . this. They kinda crossed a line tonight. Josuke promised himself to try and talk about it in the morning. He guessed Okuyasu was staying the night. As he felt himself drift into sleep he suddenly heard Okuyasu say something.

"Josuke . . ." Okuyasu breathed out.

"Hmm?"

There was a pause. Josuke wondered if Okuyasu had fallen asleep.

"I'll always be there for you." Okuyasu breathily whispered into Josuke's neck. "I mean it."

Josuke felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't know how to respond, but his body moved before he could think too hard about what to say. His arms made their way around Okuyasu, wrapping him in the tightest hug he could manage.

Looking into Okuyasu's eyes, he saw the sincerity in them.

What did he do to deserve having such a great guy in his life?

In the silence of the night, the two drifted comfortably into sleep. Whatever needed to be said could wait for the morning.

They needed only each other right now.


End file.
